Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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