I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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