what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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