Non-Jews are for practice
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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