Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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