is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
