So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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