we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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