My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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