I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
