I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
