the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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