Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
