I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
