i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
