Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
