Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
