so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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