I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
