alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I would fuck him just for his dog
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
