this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
