I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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