I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Drake has all the answers
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
