Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
