dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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