You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
