sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
