I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
her vagine was all disorganized.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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