I think im going to throw up on grandma
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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