How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
