U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize