hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
