I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize