Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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