Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
