Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
