the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
