4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It was like getting head from an anaconda
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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