no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize