she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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