Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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