my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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