Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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