was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
