OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
