Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
