tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
