I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
