If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
