OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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