Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
