No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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