WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
