He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
