Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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