I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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