At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
