I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
