my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
