I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
