Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
