Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
