She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
