i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize