Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
