Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
only you would photoshop your dick
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
