wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
