I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize