i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
