honey bunches of taint.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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