no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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