wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
