Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
