The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You pole danced in your parka.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
