People with herpes should wear stickers.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
