For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
