life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
